Posts Tagged ‘goose’

Hi everyone, with great honor and joy, I’d like to present to you my first guest writer – Andy! 🙂

Andy has been the one that inspired me to cook. Having been to many dinner parties that Andy threw, I can be the first one to testify his amazing cooking ability. You may call me bluffing because I have not tried Andy’s signature ribs, stuffed duck or honey ham, but trust me, if anyone can make everyday vegetables taste that good, I have absolutely no doubt in their ability to make a duck dance like a black swan… and taste amazing too!

OK, without further due, please give it up for Andy and his gf (a.k.a. goosefriend):

Have you ever found a goose in New York City before? I have.

My story, as with all, begins with the telling of rather routine affairs. Once every two months or so, it is a customary habit of mine to invite companions and acquaintances among our various societies to share bread and indulge each others spirits. In one particular of such gatherings, I was to serve duck, a dish which warrants the utmost dedication and care. Preparation is paramount, and procurement not to be taken lightly – which is why I went to Keyfoods.

The trip to the grocer was a fateful one. That night in the Keyfoods frozen meat section, I saw something wondrously new. I gandered upon a goose. She startled me, for I had never seen a goose before. But my what a gorgeous creature she was, with meaty breasts and generous thighs. She whispered out my name, beckoning me to cook her. Yet, I could not. For my word had been given to friends that duck was for dinner and so I was duty-bound to my duck. But I swore to the goose that would not be the case upon our next meeting. I promised her that I would return within three fortnights to consummate our passion.

As the weeks went by, all I could think about was her lying upon a soft bed of freezer frost. But doubt also crept into the mind. I have never had a goose before. What was it going to be like? What will my friends think? Will she be too gamey? What… what if I finally behold her and my performance disappoints? All of this was maddening! So for days I read and studied, learned about the ways to incite delicious pleasure within her flesh. In my mind, I knew she was not going to be just any goose. I was going to make her my one and only Christmas goose.

And at last, I was ready for my goose! With recipe in hand and confidence in heart, I returned to Keyfoods, ready to call all 10.6 lbs of her my own. I strode through the duck section, head high, paying no heed to those hussies. When I finally arrived upon the glass freezer door, I was at first confused. Instead of seeing my beloved goose, there was only a bitsy fowl. Why was there a cornish hen in the chambers of my dear goose? This tiny tart barely had enough meat to cover her own rump, let alone feed 8 people! Panicking, I ran up and down the aisle like a lost gosling. Finally, there came an employee. Only with the greatest effort was I able to hold back the bitterness in my voice, the bitterness of a man conceded to accept an unacceptable reality. I asked him, "Excuse me, do you have any frozen geese?" To which he callously replied, "No Sir, we don’t".


Should you ever chance upon the frozen meats section on a lonesome night, you may hear the foot steps of a man walking up to where the cornish hen now lay. And if you hear the sounds of a solemn sigh, you may be certain that it is I.


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